LATE BREAKING NEWS
Numerous puppies have been found to have been heavily influenced by reality TV shows and have been caught playing three blind mice with one of them using a real knife to cut off the tails when playing the part of the farmer's wife.
An unknown form of leprosy has occurred in several breeds of dogs. Breeders and veterinarians are unable to locate a cause. Apparently, the tails of young puppies just fall off at varying lengths.
KOOKABURRAS BITES TAILS OFF PUPPIES
In Sydney today a Kookaburra flew into the window of a suburban house where a litter of three day old puppies were suckling from their mother and bit the tails off the entire litter apparently thinking they were snakes. The owner Mrs Patricia Hall is dumbfounded but doubts it will be the last time.
PUPPIES TAILS ACCIDENTALLY WHIPPER SNIPPERED
In Newcastle last weekend an entire litter of Jack Russel puppies had their trails accidentally cut off with a whipper snipper. The breeder said, "After recent heavy rain the grass was extremely long and I sent my husband out to cut the grass. Belligerent old bastard he is he did it begrudgingly. The pups were asleep in the long grass with their tails stuck up in the air and he just cut them all off"
WILD WIND DOES NOBODY ANY GOOD
Recent sudden windy weather has caused doors all over the country to be blown shut causing the tails to be chopped off thousands of young puppies. "You just cant help bad luck." say the owners.
Same wind gets up noses of politicians implementing legislation to ban tail docking. After inhaling the wind they attempt to blow it out their a*ses but it does them no good.
The Police Commissioner announced today that a number of new positions had been created due to new legislation regarding tail docking of dogs. The duties of the new officers will be sniff out the offenders. If convicted, the dogs will be confiscated and sold through a re-tail petshop.
SECRET DOG BUSINESS
Two dogs walk into bar. One says to the other. What you been up to? The other replies just heard that you can still get your tail docked in a secret location. Tell me more, says the first and don't leave out the de-tails.
Two dogs wanted to get their tails docked so they tossed a coin............................................
..................................heads you win. Tails I lose.
A woman was today charged with illegal tail docking. The woman pleaded that she was having a recurring nightmare and thought it was her husband's penis. Authorities let Mrs Bobbit off with a warning and suggested that the dog not sleep in the bed in future.
NSW Agriculture and Fisheries Minister Ian MacDonald was today forced to do a back flip on a recent decision to support a national ban on tail docking after being admitted to hospital having had his penis amputated. Mr Mac Donald said today that he had been inundated with calls that he had been unfair and hasty in making this decision, that tail docking was indeed painless, and that he should not have made the decision he did without first hand experience. Mr MacDonald not having a dog, placed a rubber band around his own penis. "It just dropped off after three days he exclaimed! There was no pain at all and I am therefore forced to reverse my previous stand on tail docking." Other State ministers have slammed Mr MacDonald's decision labeling him a "Big Pussy" Mr MacDonald has decided that he will capitalize on this situation and have a complete sex change operation to fit his new political profile.